How To Set Up An FLR Read online

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  Chapter 5: What Kind of Relationship Do You Have?

  The following questions may be answered by either males or females or both. The objective of this questionnaire is to find out what type of relationship you now have. If you are both going to answer, it might be best to answer the questions separately and then compare your answers. Sometimes one partner does not view everything in the same way as the other. Giving separate answers can give you both a better insight into your own relationship. Remember, you MUST be honest.

  Q-1: Who makes most of the financial decisions?

  A) He does

  B) She does

  C) We make big decisions together

  D) We make all decisions together

  Q-2: Who normally washes the dishes?

  A) He does

  B) She does

  C) We take turns

  D) We do them together

  Q-3: When you go to the theater, who decides what movie you will see?

  A) He does

  B) She does

  C) We take turns

  D) We choose a movie we both like

  Q-4: What is your working situation?

  A) Only he works

  B) Only she works

  C) We both work, he makes more

  D) We both work, she makes more

  Q-5: Who takes out the garbage?

  A) He does

  B) She does

  C) We take turns

  D) It usually takes both of us

  Q-6: Who initiates sex more often?

  A) He does

  B) She does

  C) It varies depending who is in the mood

  D) We only have it when we are both in the mood

  Q-7: When you go out together, who does the driving?

  A) He does

  B) She does

  C) We take turns

  D) It depends on the circumstances

  Q-8: When going out to eat, who chooses the restaurant?

  A) He does

  B) she does

  C) We take turns

  D) We mutually agree

  Q-9: Who washes the car(s)?

  A) He does

  B) She does

  C) We take turns

  D) We each wash our own cars

  Q-10: Who controls the TV remote?

  A) He does

  B) She does

  C) We take turns

  D) We only watch shows we both like

  Q-11: Who seems to be in charge the most?

  A) He does

  B) She does

  C) We usually agree on things

  D) We share responsibilities

  Q-12: When you disagree, who usually gets the last word?

  A) He does

  B) She does

  C) It seems evenly split

  D) Neither of us will give in

  Bonus question for those with children...

  Q-B: Who usually hands out the discipline?

  A) He does

  B) She does

  C) We take turns

  D) We have set punishments

  You should score your answers separately. You can compare them to see if you have different ideas about who is in charge. First, count the number of A's, B's, C's and D's you have.

  The more “A”s you have the more of a male lead relationship you have. Take heart, it's okay, there is nothing wrong with that. It may not be what you really want, but we will get to that later. If all of your answers were “A”s, then you have a male led Dictatorship. Anything less and you are probably in a Shipboard relationship.

  The more times you selected “B” as an answer, the more you lean toward a female led relationship. Again, nothing to worry about. This is the female oriented relationship indicator. If all you answers were “B”s, then you live in a female led Dictatorship. But if even a few of them are something else, you probably live in a Shipboard relationship.

  If the majority of your answers were “C”s then you probably have a Democratic type of relationship combined with a Co-op style. However, depending on how many “A”s and “B”s you have, you may lean more toward a Shipboard style of rule.

  If all of your answers were “D”s, then obviously, you are in the Co-op style of relationship. That means you at least attempt to share all responsibilities equally. However, it is rare to find a successful true Co-op relationship. Odds are, at least some of your answers falls into another category.

  You probably have a combination of answers and, therefore, you have a combination of styles you use in your relationship. This is normal. The extremes are a true Co-op at one end of the scale and a true Dictatorship on the other.

  Your ideal relationship, most likely, lies somewhere in between these two extremes. Almost everyone's does. You might have a combination of any two styles in your relationship. I can't say that is a bad thing, but it means that you have made no formal declaration (or agreement) of who is charge of what. Most people don't.

  No matter what type or style of leadership you have in your relationship, you really should sit down and hammer out an agreement that covers all the important aspects of your relationship. For example: Your agreement should include such things as how certain decisions will be made. Will they be one partner's responsibility, or will you negotiate things? Who gets to initiate sex and when? What are your goals as a couple? If you both strongly disagree, how will you solve the problem? All these things and more should be put into an agreement (or contract) and tested for a period of time to see what works and what needs to be changed. We will get to agreements later on. Since this book is about female led relationships, we will proceed as if that is what you really want. But first, there are a couple more questionnaires in the next chapter you will need to complete so that you know where you stand, and what you really want from it.

  Before my husband and I made the switch to an FLR, we actually did take a quiz something like the one in this chapter. We knew, for example, that we wanted to move out of a male led relationship into something more female led. We took the quiz to see exactly where we were starting from, so that we would have a better idea of how to get where we wanted to go.

  Knowing exactly what type of relationship you have before you make any major changes can be very beneficial. It can help you in plotting a course to your final destination. Whether you are making only slight changes, such as just a change in who controls your sexual time together, or you are planning a major swap of responsibilities, it is always good to know where you are starting from. It also helps when you want to measure your accomplishments and progress toward that goal. So don't skip the quiz. Do it for your future.

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  Chapter 6: What Do You Want?

  Any time you enter into an agreement (of any kind) you have to know what it is that you want to get out of it. It just makes since. If you don't know what you want, how do you expect to be happy with the end result?

  The following two questionnaires are designed to help you and your partner to better understand what each of you really wants. Since it is often difficult to discuss some things, especially if they reveal things about yourself that you may be somewhat embarrassed about, these two questionnaires will help you get a few things out in the open. However, these are only designed to get you started. Once you begin to discuss some of the things you want, you may find yourself opening up to each other a great deal more than you ever thought possible.

  So, in answering the questions, you must be honest. Honest answers will get you more of what you want. If you truly would enjoy something (or even think you would) say so. Don't put down an answer that indicates less than the truth. It will only serve to hinder you when you hammer out that first agreement.

  There are two questionnaires, one for women and the other for men. Each of you will share your answers with the other once you have completed them. However, I recommend answering your questionnaire alone and then sharing your answers with your partner to see if you have anything in common.
r />   Her Questions:

  Q-1: I would like control of our financial decisions to be...

  A) All mine

  B) Mostly mine

  C) Shared equally

  D) Mostly his

  E) All his

  Q-2: I would like control of the direction of our lives to be...

  A) All mine

  B) Mostly mine

  C) Shared equally

  D) Mostly his

  E) All his

  Q-3: I would like control of his free time to be...

  A) All mine

  B) Mostly mine

  C) Shared equally

  D) Mostly his

  E) All his

  Q-4: I would like control of the household chores to be...

  A) All mine

  B) Mostly mine

  C) Shared equally

  D) Mostly his

  E) All his

  Q-5: I would like control of our sexual activity to be...

  A) All mine

  B) Mostly mine

  C) Shared equally

  D) Mostly his

  E) All his

  Q-6: I would like control of his sexual release (orgasms) to be...

  A) All mine

  B) Mostly mine

  C) Shared equally

  D) Mostly his

  E) All his

  Q-7: I would like him to acknowledge that I am the head of the house...

  A) Publicly

  B) Only to me

  C) No

  Q-8: I think I would enjoy punishing him...

  A) Physically

  B) Non-physically

  C) Both

  D) Not at all

  Q-9: I think I would enjoy making him my servant (or slave).

  A) Yes, definitely

  B) Yes, in some ways

  C) Not really

  D) Definitely not

  Q-10: I think I would like to put him in chastity.

  A) Yes, definitely

  B) Sometimes

  C) Only in play

  D) Not at all

  Q-11: I want him to be obedient to me.

  A) Always

  B) Most of the time

  C) Some of the time

  D) Not really

  Q-12: I want him to initiate sex with me.

  A) Never

  B) Sometimes

  C) When I allow it

  D) Always

  Q-13: I want him to reveal his inner-most fantasies.

  A) Yes, definitely

  B) Only when I ask

  C) If he wants to

  D) Never

  Q-14: I like the feeling of being “in charge.”

  A) Definitely

  B) Most of the time

  C) On occasion

  D) Never

  Q-15: Being in charge makes me uncomfortable.

  A) Never

  B) Sometimes

  C) Most of the time

  D) Always

  Q-16: I would love for him to rub my feet.

  A) Definitely

  B) Occasionally

  C) If he wants to

  D) Never

  Q-17: I would love it if he would fetch things for me.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) If he wants to

  D) Never

  Q-18: I want him to seek my approval.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) If he wants to

  D) Never

  Q-19: I want him to make himself attractive for me.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) If he wants to

  D) Never

  Q-20: I want him to appreciate me.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) Sometimes

  D) Never

  Q-21: I want him to do more of the housework.

  A) Always

  B) When I tell him to

  C) Occasionally

  D) Never

  Q-22: I want him to sexually desire me.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) Sometimes

  D) Never

  Q-23: I want him to cook my meals.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) Sometimes

  D) Never

  Q-24: I want him to run errands for me.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) Sometimes

  D) Never

  Q-25: I would love for him to bow or kneel to me.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) Sometimes

  D) Never

  Q-26: I would love it if he were naked while serving me.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) Sometimes

  D) Never

  Q-27: I would like to tie him to a chair or the bed.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) Sometimes

  D) Never

  Q-28: I would love to dress him in female clothing.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) Sometimes

  D) Never

  Q-29: I want him to perform for or entertain me.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) Sometimes

  D) Never

  Q-30: I want him to serve me and my friends.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) Sometimes

  D) Never

  Q-31: I want his obedience in public.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) Sometimes

  D) Never

  Q-32: I want to tease him sexually.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) Sometimes

  D) Never

  His Questions:

  Q-1: I would like control of our financial decisions to be...

  A) All hers

  B) Mostly hers

  C) Shared equally

  D) Mostly mine

  E) All mine

  Q-2: I would like control of the direction of our lives to be...

  A) All hers

  B) Mostly hers

  C) Shared equally

  D) Mostly mine

  E) All mine

  Q-3: I would like control of my free time to be...

  A) All hers

  B) Mostly hers

  C) Shared equally

  D) Mostly mine

  E) All mine

  Q-4: I would like control of the household chores to be...

  A) All hers

  B) Mostly hers

  C) Shared equally

  D) Mostly mine

  E) All mine

  Q-5: I would like control of our sexual activity to be...

  A) All hers

  B) Mostly hers

  C) Shared equally

  D) Mostly mine

  E) All mine

  Q-6: I would like control of my sexual release (orgasms) to be...

  A) All hers

  B) Mostly hers

  C) Shared equally

  D) Mostly mine

  E) All mine

  Q-7: I would like her to acknowledge that she is the head of the house...

  A) Publicly

  B) Only to me

  C) No

  Q-8: I think I would enjoy her punishing me...

  A) Physically

  B) Non-physically

  C) Both

  D) Not at all

  Q-9: I think I would enjoy being her servant (or slave).

  A) Yes, definitely

  B) Yes, in some ways

  C) Not really

  D) Definitely not

  Q-10: I think I would like her to put me in chastity.

  A) Yes, definitely

  B) Sometimes

  C) Only in play

  D) Not at all

  Q-11: I want to be obedient to her.

  A) Always

  B) Most of the time

  C) Some
of the time

  D) Not really

  Q-12: I want her to initiate sex with me.

  A) Never

  B) Sometimes

  C) When she allows it

  D) Always

  Q-13: I want her to make me reveal my inner-most fantasies.

  A) Yes, definitely

  B) Only when I ask

  C) If she wants to

  D) Never

  Q-14: I like the feeling of her being “in charge.”

  A) Definitely

  B) Most of the time

  C) On occasion

  D) Never

  Q-15: Her being in charge makes me uncomfortable.

  A) Never

  B) Sometimes

  C) Most of the time

  D) Always

  Q-16: I would love for her to make me rub her feet.

  A) Definitely

  B) Occasionally

  C) If she wants me to

  D) Never

  Q-17: I would love to fetch things for her.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) If she wants me to

  D) Never

  Q-18: I want to seek her approval.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) If she wants me to

  D) Never

  Q-19: I want to make myself attractive for her.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) If she wants me to

  D) Never

  Q-20: I want to show her my appreciation.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) Sometimes

  D) Never

  Q-21: I want her to make me do more of the housework.

  A) Always

  B) When she tells me to

  C) Occasionally

  D) Never

  Q-22: I want her to know I sexually desire her.

  A) Always

  B) Occasionally

  C) Sometimes