How To Set Up An FLR Read online

  How To Set Up An FLR

  A Couple's Guide To Female Led Relationships

  by Georgia Ivey Green

  Copyright 2013 by Georgia Ivey Green

  Published by Georgia Ivey Green

  License Notes

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  This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people.

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  please purchase an additional copy for each recipient.

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  Table of Contents

  Foreword

  Types of Relationships

  Approaching Your Partner

  Honesty & Trust

  Communication

  What Type Do You Have?

  What Do You want?

  How Kinky Are You?

  FLR Checklist

  Creating An Agreement

  Overcoming Fear & Guilt

  Chastity

  Rewards

  Punishment & Discipline

  CBT for Fun & Punishment

  Milking & Anal Play

  Fantasies

  Make It Easy On Yourself

  Cross Dressing

  Bi-sex & Cuckolding

  Games You Can Play

  Humiliation

  About The Author

  Foreword

  Today, more and more couples are turning to female led relationships (FLRs) as a means of improving their lives together. Switching roles is not all that is required and so many of these relationships are doomed to fail because they ignore the sexual aspects of such a relationship. If you want your FLR to succeed, you must be ready to commit to it. This book will show you how to make the transition successfully.

  Forget what you 'think' you know about FLR's. If your only knowledge comes from the Internet, you may have been seriously misled. The Internet presents dominant women as cruel, sadistic, whip-carrying, leather clad, women in spiked heels. And the men a sniveling worms who spend their time groveling at the feet their Mistress. But that is NOT reality! The reality is that most couples engaged in an FLR are normal people just like you and me. The only difference is that there is a woman leading her husband (or family) through life. Yes, there may be a degree of BDSM involved, but it may be nothing more than a little bedroom bondage or the fact the male partner wears a chastity device part of the time. So, before you reject this book simply because of the stereotypes you see on the Internet, give it a chance. You may be surprised.

  The whole point of this entire book is to help couples (married, co-habitating, or just dating) to find a way to improve their overall relationship. It is not the goal of this series to dictate to anyone that one type of relationship is better or worse than any other. It is assumed that you are reading this book for much the same reason, you want to make things better. Whether you are a man or a woman makes no difference as this book has been designed to help you find whatever it is that is missing, lost, or you never knew existed. It is best if both partners read this book. Whether you read it together or individually makes little difference. Once you have both read and understand the principles in this book, it is hoped that you will be able to move forward in your own relationship avoiding the most common mistakes.

  As I said before, it is assumed that you are reading this book because you are either curious, or you seriously want to improve your relationship, and one or both of you would seriously like (or think you would) a female led relationship. It is also assumed that, at some point in your relationship, everything was wonderful. You and your partner seemed so completely compatible, rarely disagreed about anything, and could almost read each others thoughts. We call that love. Though love is not necessary for two people to form a lasting and healthy relationship, a loving bond of one form or another, generally develops. This book is about loving relationships.

  Your relationship may have started out, as most couples do and have for thousands of years, as a male dominated relationship, but because of certain biological (and/or mental) differences between men and women, that relationship isn't working the way it is supposed to work. Or, at least, not the way you thought it should work. Maybe you thought you were going to have one of those idyllic relationships where both partners share in all the decision making. That is to say, you were equal partners. But that did not work out so well either. But that doesn't mean that you can not work things out and improve your relationship for the better by moving a little more toward an FLR type of relationship.

  There is no one answer for everything or everyone. This book will guide you, as a couple, or as an individual, to find exactly what it is that you need (or desire) in order to form a more perfect, loving relationship. You will be shown variations that you may have never thought of on your own. It will help you increase your communication skills, build confidence, and hopefully, guide you down whatever path is best for you as a couple. Once you complete this book and honestly answer the questions, you will be armed with all the information you need to improve your life and set up a whole new way of life in a female led relationship.

  ~ ~ ~

  Chapter 1: Types of Relationships

  Whether your current relationship is male or female led makes no difference at this point. What is important is what type of relationship it is. Basically there are four types of relationships as outlined below. It is not really important what type you currently have if it is not really working as well as you would like, but where you ultimately end up is important because the ultimate goal is to bring you both closer together so that you can lead happier, healthier, lives. I won't get into particulars but happier people are generally healthier people.

  Though this series is aimed at those who want to explore a female led relationship, the information you will obtain from the questionnaires will help you in creating whatever type of relationship that best suits you and your partner, whether that be female or male led or an equal partnership.

  Basically, the ideas laid out in this book can be applied to any relationship between two partners whether straight, gay or lesbian, male led or female led. Even if you just want some pointers on how to improve the relationship you already have, this book can help. Honesty, fidelity, and open communication are the foundation of any strong, healthy relationship. The establishment of a well thought out, negotiated, agreement can certainly improve the stability of any type of relationship no matter who leads it.

  One thing you should keep in mind while reading this book. Even though it was written by a woman, the things (yes, including chastity) that I discuss can be adapted to work in any Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship. Though a woman can't very well wear a male chastity device, there are female chastity devices that she can wear. So even though this is written from a female prospective, and is basically aimed at those who want to try an FLR, it still applies to any type of relationship. As far as the BDSM parts go, you are only as kinky as you are. No one says you have to do anything. In fact, I recommend doing only those things you are personally comfortable doing. As your relationship grows, so may your desire to experiment with other BDSM activities. Thus, you have something to which you can refer in the future.

  If you think you would not want to be involved in a D/s relationship, let me assure you that you already are, in one form or another. If either you or your partner takes a leading role in your relationship, then you are in a D/s relationship. If you have children, you are in a D/s relationship with them. They are (or should be) submissi
ve to you. If you have a job with a boss, you are in a D/s relationship. I hope you can see where all this going. Almost everyone in the world is in a D/s relationship of one kind or another. So don't fail to read the parts of this book that deal with D/s simply because you think you don't want that kind of relationship.

  As I said before, there are four basic types of relationships and I have outlined them below.

  The Co-op:

  In a Co-op, both partners have an equal say in what happens. That is to say, neither partner would run out and purchase a car without first consulting the other. There would be discussions about where the money was to come from, how much they are both willing to spend, and what the car is to be used for. In addition, there might even be discussions about the brand of automobile to purchase, the exact model and even the color it should be. In a Co-op, most of the household chores would also be divided taking into account such things as who has the most free time, how long is each chore expected to take, and who is better suited to doing certain chores. Things like mowing the lawn, trimming the weeds and shrubs, raking leaves, etc. might be left to the stronger of the pair. While chores such as washing dishes, taking out the garbage, and sweeping and mopping floors, take less physical effort, and are usually done more often. Things like the preparation of meals might be equally shared.

  All in all, if you have some sort of Co-op relationship, you share in the decision making. To what exact degree may vary, but in the end, you share in most decisions. This type of relationship would be idyllic, if it always worked. However, because men and women are not created equal (something I will talk about later) there is bound to be some imbalance in the way things work in your Co-op. Creating a well written agreement can often resolve many disputes with little conflict.

  Democracy:

  More accurately, a partial Democracy. In this type of relationship, one partner (call him/her the Leader) has certain decision-making powers that normally go unquestioned. While other decisions require consultation between both partners (Leader and follower). Taking our new car example from above, both parties must certainly agree that a new car is warranted, but the decision as to what make and model may be left to the dominant partner (the Leader).

  Things like minor household chores would be assigned by the leading partner with limited input from the other. Such things as who will do which chores usually falls on the Leader to decide, because he or she is the one who gets things done. Also, when spending the evening out, it may fall to the Leader to determine where to dine, what movie to see at the theater, or in what other activities you, as a couple, will participate.

  In these Democratic relationships, the finances are normally handled by the dominant partner but large expenses (such as a vacation or a new car) will always be discussed and mutually agreed upon prior to any actual out-lay of cash. Even some smaller expenses may require both partner's approval. The Lesser of the two can always petition the Leader for just about anything he or she desires without any consequences.

  Shipboard:

  In this type of relationship, the dominant partner (the Captain) makes most decisions without consulting the other (the First Mate). He or she will most definitely handle the finances and will, when there is a major expense (such as a new car), consult with the First Mate. The First Mate only gives his or her input when it is asked for. It is the First Mate's job to point out alternatives, but the Captain has the final word. For example: The Captain may decide a new car is in order. If the First Mate suggests that perhaps a new used car would serve the purpose, the Captain may consider buying a used car instead. But the final decision is always that of the Captain. In this type of relationship, the Captain (or dominant partner) takes responsibility for the overall success or failure of the relationship.

  When it comes to household chores, the Captain will, without a doubt, make the decision as to who will do what. That does not mean that the Captain will not perform any chores, it simply means he or she will make the final decision. In this type of relationship, the First Mate will be able to make certain decisions on his or her own without having to discuss it first. But this is a limited decision-making ability. He or she is normally given an allowance that they may spend at their own discretion, such as money to buy food, pay bills, and even make small purchases for themselves. But in the end, it is the Captain's responsibility to make sure that everything gets done.

  Dictatorship:

  This type of relationship is often called the Master/slave (or Mistress/slave) style. As with any dictatorship in the world, the Dictator is totally in charge. He or she does whatever they want and everyone else is subject to his or her will. All money is controlled by the Dictator as is everything else. The Dictator will assign chores and possibly even time limits as to when those chores are to be done. If the Dictator wants a new car, he or she will go out and buy one without so much as a 'how do you do' to the other partner.

  A Dictator's power extends far beyond the financial arena. He or she will determine punishments whenever it suits him or her. Never would a Dictator ask his or her partner for permission to do anything. Normally, however, the partner must obtain permission to do anything other than what they are told to do.

  This might sound terrible, but the truth is, many people live very happy lives in this type of relationship. Many people actually live this way and do not even realize it. Some want it, but don't have it. Others have it, but don't want it. The thought of being relieved of all responsibility, except for that which the Dictator orders, is very appealing to some.

  The truth is, most of us live in some blending of two of the above types of relationships, but once you answer the questions later in this book, you will be able to determine not only what type your relationship is, but what type you would be happiest living in. There are varying degrees of each type, and exactly how much power each person in any given relationship has also varies. There are other factors that contribute to the health of any given relationship as well. I will get to those in a later chapter, but for now, let's move on to those factors that help make any relationship a success.

  ~ ~ ~

  Chapter 2: Approaching Your Partner

  This is probably the one thing about which I get the most questions. I realize that it can be a daunting task, especially if you don't really have a plan and you intend to convince your partner to fulfill all your fantasies. Get real! All you would accomplish (most likely) is scaring your partner half to death and hear them tell you that they want nothing to do with it...Ever!

  So what can you do? First of all, be realistic. It is highly unlikely that you could tell your partner what you want (especially your fantasies) and get it without a fight. Save yourself all the embarrassment and humiliation of being rejected without any discussion at all. You need a plan. You need realistic expectations.

  Let's look at an example: Your total annual income is less than $100,000. You want to buy a new car. You have your heart set on a new Ferrari. What do you think your chances are of getting it if you plop down in front of your partner and drop a brochure in his or her lap and say, “I want to buy that”? Not good, I'll wager.

  First of all, your partner will probably laugh in your face and dismiss the whole idea of a new car. The thinking is that you want too much. He or she might even think that there is no point in negotiating with you because you have outlandish expectations and no reasonable median could be found.

  So, as you can see from the example above, you need to be reasonable. You need to think small. Plan out what you want to accomplish, then divide it by two and start somewhere less than that. What I am getting at is, if you tell your partner that you want to change your relationship to a female led one without the proper lead in to the conversation, you are destined to fail from the get-go.

  You need a plan. So here you are:

  First, write down all the things you really want from your relationship. Write them all down! Even your deepest darkest fantasies. You know the ones...Those you never told anyo
ne about. Whatever your sexual proclivities, don't bring them up until your new relationship is well underway. Now put this list away for later use. It may change several times before you actually get around to it again.

  Second, write down what you think the benefits of your new relationship as a whole will be. Will it bring the two of you closer together? Will it make the financial aspect of your relationship run more smoothly? Will it make you both better role models for your kids? Will it create more respect between you? Anything you can think of that would be a benefit.

  Finally, make a list of benefits of the new relationship to your partner. That is, how will he or she directly benefit from such a relationship? Will you pay more attention to her when she speaks? Will she be able to control more of the money and have a bigger input into how it will be spent? Will he perform more of the household chores, freeing up more of her time? How will the new relationship benefit your partner in your sexual relations?

  Don't give too many specifics such as, “she will have total control over my orgasms.” That might end up being a disaster. Instead, be vague. After all, something like that will eventually be negotiated. Leave negotiated items for later, when you start negotiating. Bringing them up now might put your partner off of the idea. Instead, stick to those kinds of things that may have been in contention before. Did you fight about money? What did your partner want? More control? More say in how the money is spent? Perhaps it was free time. Who decides when and where you go out as a couple? Maybe you don't do that often enough for your partner. Would the new relationship give your partner more of a say in that? Remember, you want to mention the benefits your partner will receive from a few minor changes in how things are done.

  When you finally do sit down to discuss your relationship, DO NOT mention that you are thinking of an FLR! Instead, try to suggest changes that would lead your partner in that direction. Let him or her know that you are open to the female becoming more of a leader than a follower. If she already leads in some things, tell her that you would like for her take control of a few more things, if that's alright with her.